Writing Period 3 Winner: Machete Phil

Machete Phil
By Bones McCloskey
Judged by Christopher Goldenpipe

Trixy and Laverne were WAY lost, the kind of Lost that only appears at 9pm on ABC. The air was thick and juicy. The rich, all-encompassing vegetation was itching them like crabby pubes. The jungle was tugging on them, pulling them further and further from the tour group. With each step in that deep, deep jungle, the girls let out grunts and moans as their tired legs struggled to free their feet from the murky soil below them.

Suddenly, the thick yungle vegetation gave way to a beautiful oasis. “Is that…?”, “Yes. It. Is.”, trixy interjected. The girls had stumbled upon a small crop circle in the jungle vegetation. In this circle was a pool with crystal blue water that was slightly sweet to the taste. The girls lapped up the water like dogs. What the girls didn’t know, what the girls could not have known, was that the sweet tasting water was runoff from a marijuana farm just a mile from where they lay gorging themselves on this fresh water.

So those two little hussies, Delta Zeta sisters from Radford University, were drinking crystal clear, pure THC, Costa Rica Freakaaaaah (in liquid form). Soon, they realized their mistake though not fully comprehending what had caused their current mental state. First, Laverne couldn’t stop laughing at their predicament. Just minutes prior, she had been on the verge of tears for fear of never being found, now she joyously laughed harder than she’d ever laughed before. Trixy was just sitting there giggling at her hands, wondering how long it would take to jerk off Obama with those easy DZ fingers of hers. After 5 solid minutes of laughing, blood was coursing through their veins as they strained to catch their breath between laughing spasms. Their clits were now completely pulsing with pleasure. Just before Trixy could announce that she was totally baked, they looked at each other and without hesitating launched at each other like a couple of wolves in heat.

Complete and total passion overtook the two girls. Before they could help it, both girls ran for cover inside an old, small mausoleum. Once inside, the fun began. Both girls ripped their tops off and their perfect tits, with rock hard nipples, came tumbling out of their shirts. Trixy began to slowly run laps around Laverne’s nipples with her tongue as Laverne slowly unbuttoned her pants while gasping in pleasure. Then Trixy got on her knees and lifted one of Laverne’s legs into the air and gently placed it on a pile of masks that lay next to them. Trixy knelt there drooling over the piece of luscious pussy that lay before her eyes. She then plunged, face first, into Laverne’s beautiful pussy lips, savoring every last drop. Laverne, moaning, was on the verge of hyperventilating.

After several minutes of licking every crevice between Laverne’s legs, Trixy found a wooden monkey dildo that she held up with glee. Not wanting to risk splinters, the girls instead opted for a double sided dildo made of elephant tusk. They lay down on their backs with their elbows underneath of them for support and spread their legs as wide as they could go. Trixy put her half of the ivory tusk in herself first, then inserted the other half into Laverne. The two slowly glided together until their clits were touching. They continued in this manner; meeting in the middle, colliding their throbbing clits together. The tusk became engorged with the girls’ wetness and grew in size. Soon, the tusk was so big, and their clits felt so good when colliding, that both girls let out a ferocious orgasm at nearly the same time.

With that, the crystal clear waters of the THC pool began to ripple. In an instant, a totally deranged dickless dude came charging out of the water. Machete Phil then calmly chopped Trixy and Laverne’s clits into a million pieces, and did lines of their own clits off their asses. With a nose full of bloody clits, Phil then gutted the girls like a couple of jungle sloths.

Years prior, when Machete Phil cut his own dick off and ran screaming into the jungle, he needed some serious pain meds. Legend has it he discovered the pool and remained submerged in the water by means of a delicate lung inversion gill transformation procedure he performed on himself. The moral of the story is: If Phil catches you drinking his THC, you’re going to get TOMB STONED.