The Navy’s ice aircraft carrier was an ill-conceived project from the outset. More than that, the Armed Forces' new “Family First Initiative” mandated that children travel with their military parents no matter where they were stationed—even if it was on the ice carrier, dubbed the USS Fillmore. With the children came the trappings of childhood: schools, playgrounds, fireworks, amusement parks, and the lot.
By nature of its nature, the Fillmore constantly operated in a sinking mode; that is to say that although Navy engineers consistently reassured the officers and crew that the vessel operated within safety guidelines, the fact that it patrolled almost exclusively in the South Pacific meant that it would one day melt, crack apart, and swallow its crew whole as it falls into the cruel ocean deep. The Navy treated this disastrous experiment as (quite literally) a sunk cost.
Fortunately, the crew and their families were blissfully ignorant of their eventual fate, and life continued as it normally would on an ice aircraft carrier that contained a school and an amusement park…
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To say that Johnny’s affinity for analingus qualified as an addiction would appear to be harsh, but that would only be true if one were unfamiliar with the lengths to which Johnny would go to achieve this repulsive—yet oddly appealing—sex act. What made his resolve even more impressive was not only the fact that he had had his hands and feet amputated when he was five (thanks to a freak McDonald’s Playplace incident), but he was also born mute. Wielding freakish good looks and an affable, seemingly naïve charm, he was able to convince each of the 276 girls in his class on the Fillmore to let him lick their assholes. All this by the time he had reached tenth grade.
As with most addictions, Johnny’s temporary relief in satisfying his desires only bred a more voracious drive to expand his sensual experiences. After he had pinned down Tegan—the final holdout in his class—with his stumpy arms and licked her asshole like a cat licks its own asshole, he felt a tremendous void where his soul should have been. Having no way to cry out his sudden emptiness in words, Johnny grabbed his pet Emperor penguin Rufus, hopped on his Navy-issued Segway, and rolled down towards the Fillmore’s slaughterhouse, which was his favorite place to think. He easily filed down with sandpaper the rusted lock that guarded the comestibles and rolled through their freezing masses.
The meat hung limp and dead like Johnny’s flaccid penis as Rufus made moaning sounds in the background. Just as his frustration nearly reached the point of self-mutilation, Johnny heard a distinct laugh from the corner. It was the giggle of a young girl, so he rolled over to investigate and found Jennifer, a cute blond eighth grader who almost certainly had a perfect and hair-free asshole. Frothing at the lips, Johnny waved a stump at an all-too-willing Jennifer, who hopped on the Segway and whispered, “Take me to the amusement park.” He knew what she meant.
His heart pounding out of his chest in anticipation of his lecherous addiction’s renewed fulfillment, Johnny rolled into a secluded spot under the park’s main roller coaster, a poorly built beast called “Katrina.” It was held together in a rickety fashion with railroad spikes, remnants of a scuttled Navy plan for a Trans-Pacific underwater commercial railway. Without saying a word (because he couldn’t) Johnny pulled down Jennifer’s pants, bent her over, and began slobbering away joyfully at her asshole as Rufus looked on with approval.
Never had Johnny engaged in an analingus session as passionately intense as this. Jennifer’s ass contracted and expanded rapidly, making his mouth move furiously. In the heat of the moment, Johnny clumsily picked up a railroad spike between his two stumps and inserted it into Jennifer’s meek and mild vagina. She screamed with delight as she cried, “Fill me Johnny! Fill me more! More!”
As though it had heard her guttural wail, the Fillmore, with an angry CRAAAACK like a pine tree exploding in winter, snapped in half. Its two halves angled downward and quickly sank, but Johnny was too focused on his sad and fatal addiction to notice. The lovers, along with the thousands of other crew and family, perished that day off the coast of Fiji.
The Navy, in memory of the tragedy, designated the site of the wreck as a national cemetery, the largest underwater gravesite in the world.
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